“Please tell again why I’m doing this, Jack,” Ianto asked rather plaintively.
“It’s the best way of fooling them and the general public, Ianto,” Jack replied.
“And it gives the rest of us a day off and a good laugh,” Owen added sarcastically.
“Aww, doesn’t he look cute?” Tosh added.
“I do not look cute! And you can say goodbye to any coffee today, all of you. I can’t use the machine wearing this.” Ianto waved his paws.
“Rift alert, Jack. Looks like it’s beginning. I’m getting spikes all over
Street. It seems we’ve got about twenty this year,
spread across several shops.” Tosh kept her eyes on the screen logging the
“Come on, Ianto; time to go and round them up. Owen, are you ready to fix their eyes before we send them back?”
“Yeah, here are the bandages to put over them until you bring them back here. Why you used spotty ones the first time I’ll never understand.”
“We had to improvise. Spots were in that year and you know it’s a nasty eye injury. And talking of spots, what d’you all think?” He slipped the braces from his shoulders. “These were so worth the over £3000 I paid for them.” Jack pulled off his trousers to reveal his spotty boxers. “Now, I can be a John Barrowman look-a-like and nobody will bat an eyelid when we take the bears. Gwen, as a special treat, you can drive the SUV. We’ll let you know when we find one and you can bring it round. The container is in the back with the food. The pesky blighters are always hungry. Just let the police know we’ll deal with them.”
Gwen nodded. “I’ve already alerted Andy and he’ll let us know if any of them go rogue. We can’t have a tiny cuddly Pudsey running rampant through M&S again like last year.”
“You should have been here the year they got into the Woolworth’s canteen,” Jack said.
“Not to mention when they raided the Brains brewery. You really don’t want to ever see what they’re like when they’re drunk!” Tosh added.
“But that still doesn’t explain why I have to dress like this,” Ianto pleaded.
“Look, you know the ones who come through the Rift are infants. You’ll look like their parent and it’ll keep them quiet. You know they’re dangerous if they get the smell of food in their nostrils. And, anyway, you look cute. I promise I’ll make it worth your while later.” Jack winked.
Ignoring him Ianto began to feel about the fur. “I’d like to know how as there are no zips in this thing. And how do I go to the loo?”
Jack reached towards Ianto. Finding an opening he hadn’t realised was there, Jack released him from the confines of the suit. From behind, the others just saw Ianto lurch as he whispered, none too quietly to Jack: “We are so using that later on.”
“I don’t believe it,” Owen snarked. “Please don’t let me be anywhere near here for that!” Jack just grinned and took Ianto’s paw. “Come on Ianto, work to do.”
It took them all day to round up the bears. Jack was mobbed several times by women who thought he was a certain well known entertainer. Ianto lost count of the kids he had to cuddle, not to mention small bears who cooed in his arms. The kids loved it when the bears moved and parents kept asking where they could buy such a toy because they were so lifelike. They also made a shed load of money in their collection tins. By late afternoon all the bears were gathered in the SUV and returned to the Hub.
Ianto collapsed onto the sofa totally exhausted. He didn’t even have the energy to remove the suit. Owen had repaired all the bears and checked them over. They were all sitting happily in the cells, waiting for the next day when the Rift would open for them to return home, as it did each year.
Tosh put a coffee in front of Ianto, who took off the bear’s head so he could drink it. Jack came down from his office.
“Right you three, you can go now. Ianto and I have plans, and I’ve a promise to fulfil. I don’t think you want to be around for that!”
All three left as instructed. Tosh knew she and Gwen would be able to watch later, if they chose to and nudged each other, giggling as they left.
A short time later Jack sat astride Ianto, who was making the growling noises Jack had suggested.
“Sorry, Jack,” he gasped. “I know you wanted me to but I can’t do this with the head on.” He looked down and wondered how he was going to explain those stains to the dry cleaners. It would probably cost a fortune to get the suit cleaned. Jack put his hands together and licked his lips.
“Oh well,” Ianto said. “I’ve always believed in giving generously to a good cause. How much did you say you’d donate, Jack?” he asked. “Wanna give it another go?”
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